I am moved to write on the fears that try to captivate me. Because my love has gone away from me, I find it hard to decide what to do most days. Whether I should write, or clean up, or find some project to do that’s merely been sitting for weeks. I get a cup of coffee, and sit for half an hour just pondering what should I do next? My whole world have been changed without him. I have no idea what I’m to do? I desire to just sell the house and just move…yet, something is telling me to just wait. For what? For whom? He’s not returning to me anymore. My heart aches to just hold him, to see him, to just be in his arms again? It’s your birthday baby…this is hard for me. I am trying to be strong yet I feel so weak. You told me many days to hold my head up, how? Your not standing over me, so I can look into your eyes and know everything is going to be okay. My emotions are all over the place and even now…I can’t stop the tears from rolling down, my face is burning. As I type, I can barely see the letters. Lord, what am I to do? Where am I to go now? When I hear footsteps coming towards my bedroom door I try to dry up my face as not to appear sad. I’m doing my best to hold it together, Lord. My heart just aches. At times I’m okay and I can do my live videos or write and then other days I just want to rest, or go for a drive. Lord, remove the fear of moving forward. Remove everything away from me that tries to bring me down. Help me Jesus. I can’t make it without you. I know you hear me, you never leave me. But why did he have to go so soon? I know. He needed to go. Lord…tell him I love him. Tell him I miss him. My face is burning again.
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